By Jack Perconte, McClatchy-Tribune
This week, former major leaguer Jack Perconte gives the first of two columns running through his ABC’s of positive sports parenting. It’s a distillation of everything he’s learned from over 20 years of training young baseball players. Check back next week to get the rest of the tips, from O to Z.
Attention — Getting the attention of youth athletes can be difficult, and keeping their attention can be even more trying for youth coaches. The attention span of youth is often short and when they are around teammates and friends, it tends to be even shorter. A couple of techniques I use to help this situation is to allow players time to warm up and socialize with their teammates before giving a talk on what you want to accomplish at the practice session. Secondly, I would ask questions about what I was teaching. If players know they may be called upon to answer a question, they had a tendency to pay more attention.
Believability — Parents and coaches must have some experience with what they are teaching if they expect players to listen and try what they suggest. When parents do not have that expertise they should research it (read books, watch video, ask other coaches) or have an experienced coach work with their child.
Confidence — Nowhere is confidence more important than on the playing field. Without confidence, players often lose their desire to keep playing, and at the very least they tend to play scared. Some players are naturally more confident than others, but confidence can be gained over time. Gaining confidence almost always is related to success. I tell kids the definition of success is when they give as close to 100 percent as possible to whatever they put their mind and physical effort to. Not every child is blessed with the same degree of athletic talent or athletic instincts, but those that make the most of what they are given are a success.
Development — No matter how talented or un-talented a player is, development of one’s skill level and athleticism is necessary to compete over time. I was always amazed at some of my students who had very little athletic ability, but who worked hard and become very good players. One of my favorite sayings is, “No player who wants to work at it is beyond hope or beyond a parent’s and coach’s time.”
Effort and expectations — The thing that parents can expect from kids on the athletic field is effort. Expecting kids to give as close to 100 percent effort as often as possible is not creating unreasonable expectations for their son or daughter. Expecting them to be the best on the team, getting a college scholarship, going pro or becoming a star in that particular sport are examples of unreasonable expectations. Stating this expectation at an early age in is necessary.
Fundamentals — Youth sports is all about developing fundamentals and having fun. The two go hand and hand. It is rare for a young athlete to want to work on the fundamentals of a sport without it being fun, and it is rarely fun if a player doesn’t have some success at what they are playing, which is where improved or good fundamentals come in. That leads us to the key: Finding a coach who can make the game fun at practice and in games is the key to helping kids get the most out of their talent.
Goals — I am not a big believer in short-term goal setting when it comes to youth sports. Examples of short term goal setting would be saying you are going to average 20 points a game this season or hit 15 home runs this year. I know that probably goes against most self-help and how-to books that instruct people to set goals. Often, short term goal setting sets one up for disappointment when the athlete doesn’t meet their goals. I let kids know that their only goal is to “work hard towards improvement.” One of my favorite sayings is “you don’t have to prove anything to anybody, but you do need to improve if you want to reach your potential.”
Hope — Remaining positive with athletes when they struggle gives players hope that they can do better the next time. Positive words of encouragement before and after games are of course helpful, but the most helpful advice is generally some solid fundamental tip that will make the player realize that they can perform well if they do the fundamentals correctly. Do not overwhelm players with instruction, but give hope whenever possible.
Inspiration — Many parents get frustrated with their kids because they do not show much motivation to play to practice their skills. Often, motivation comes from within a player’s innate personality, so that is hard to change with many kids. However, parents and coaches should not miss chances to inspire kids with words and actions.
Justify Most kids stop playing sports because they cannot justify working so hard when the results are not there. This is a justifiable reason for ending their relationship with a sport and one in which a player’s parents should understand, even if the parents are disappointed that their child has decided to stop playing. Kids who end playing for this reason can be proud that they gave it their all and things just didn’t work out to continue playing.
Knowledge — Simply put, knowledge creates confidence and a lack of knowledge causes insecurity and a lack of confidence. I know this first hand because my lack of knowledge of the fundamentals of baseball, I often felt out of control when playing, which lead to a loss of confidence and a scared feeling, even though I made it to the major leagues.
Love of the game The term is often loosely used by parents when speaking about their kid’s interest in a sport. “He/she loves to play” is a common statement and, when true, it is a great thing. The problem that I see is that often it is the parent who loves the sport and the one who loves the attention their son or daughter receives. People should realize that love takes time to develop and should not be mistaken for success.
Motivation — Parents and coaches should look for opportunities to inspire their kids in sports with the hope that the motivation develops. This can be done in a number of ways with some being: Staying positive, smiling and showing them how proud you are of them when they try hard, being patient, keeping expectations realistic, telling them stories of inspirational athletes. Finally, maybe the best way to motivate an athlete is to give them the knowledge and practice habits that give them a chance to succeed.
Negativity — Negativity unfortunately is way too common in sports coaching today. Coaches and parents who are negative are always looking at the downside of players’ performances and make it a point to express the negative to their players.
Jack Perconte played 12 years of professional baseball. After retiring from professional baseball in 1987, Perconte opened a baseball training academy in Naperville, Ill. The hitting drills, mental training and coaching tips found in “The Making of a Hitter” (www.themakingofahitter.com) were culled from the 60,000 hitting lessons Perconte estimates he gave while operating the academy. He has also written “Raising an Athlete,” and writes for the blog http://positiveparentinginsports.com.